Saturday musings

Sometimes I wish that the growth of mind/soul/spirit mirrored the growth of our physical bodies.

I remember being 14 and laying in bed at night and just wanting to cry because my legs hurt so badly. My mom used to tell me that they were growing pains. By the time I was 17 they had pretty much ended. I haven't gotten any taller since then and my body frame has pretty much stayed the same. I'm done growing. I'll never get any bigger, and physically, I am who I am.

With my mind/soul/spirit - not so much. I wish today that I could just reach a peak. I wish that my brain would just say "Ok, you have been defined. This is who you are. Deal with it." I swear sometimes I lay in bed and just want to cry and I'm half waiting and hoping for my mom to walk in with two ibuprofen and tell me that its just growing pains. This never ending process of learning and changing and stretching and growing is proving to be exhausting, and though I've survived it all, I don't very often feel like I'm any more aware of who I am than I was when I started. Sometimes I feel like I get glimpses, but those are quickly blurred by new pains in new places that require my attention.